Happy, Happy New Year

Let the fact that I am writing on the 14th of January about the " New Year" be an indication of how busy and stressed this holiday season has been. I have actually talked to quite a few people that have felt the same way. Christmas sort of snuck up on them and suddenly it was Christmas Eve and some of their traditions were left un-done. Whether it be not sending cards, trimming way down the decorating, or simply scaling the gifts way down - it seemed different for everyone. That said - it is over now and people have boxed up their holidays for another year. I, like everyone else, seem to be poised for an economic struggle and have certainly seen first hand declines in our household income, as my husband is in the construction field. It is troublesome, yes, but honestly we had a pretty slim summer - a time when we usually meet our obligations with ease and go into the thinner winter months with a small surplus. This year, we do not have that. I hear pretty consistently how bad the unemployment stats are and I have to admit I sort of get a feeling of uncertainty when I hear the gloom and doom reports. I can say there are still jobs listed in the paper - and if I can use that as a gauge - all is not lost..... yet. I wonder if the new president will be all he is hyped up to be. The answer, the end-all-be-all " fixer" etc. For me, I know what the answer is. I know that we are not put on this earth by chance or just due to the circle of life. I do believe in God and I do believe our purpose on this earth is to glorify Him. I will also say that I have not been fulfilling my purpose very well lately - actually for the past 18 months or so. It does leave an empty feeling in your soul, when you know what you need to do and yet somehow , emotionally or otherwise, you can't seem to get there. I gave myself permission to sort of weed out or confront people in my life that have been cruel, extremely taxing, or just self centered. This has ended some relationships and strengthened others. It is a little sad, because even the overall one-sided relationships have their moments when in reflection you can enjoy a good memory and sort of long for what was. I grew very tired of doing things because it was the right thing and yet feeling very unappreciated and even abused by people that claimed to love and care about me. As always, we define our relationships by what we will ( or will not ) tolerate. My moral compass had me swallowing my pride and words a lot more than I was comfortable with. It is a struggle for the Christian, to be Christ-like and yet not be a whipping post or door mat. The key for me was to be able to forgive the person for treating me unfairly, and yet freeing myself from feeling like I had to keep putting myself in the line of fire. It's okay to protect yourself with a balance of having a forgiving heart should the offender ever approach mending the relationship.
This New Year , full of promise - and yet full of potential problems, seems no different to me than any other fresh start. I am going to focus this year on ME. I want to be the best me I can be. I do believe that if you are not taking time to refresh yourself, you can't be the best in helping others. This was not an easy lesson for me. But I vow to get healthier, to get my focus back on The Lord, and to enjoy those relationships that He has put in front of me that are truly rewarding. This year, I am going to try very hard to pamper my inner self and not let the world get inside to do any long-term damage. I am not trying to sound selfish, I just think I allowed myself to get consumed too many times with things and/or people that are draining on your soul.
I want to smile and laugh more, I want to not let every little thing penetrate my every thought. I want to absorb great moments - before they are gone. Happy New Me.

Giving Thanks

The day of Thanksgiving is upon us.... I am busy in the kitchen as I am the host this year. I have prepared my pumpkin pies and prepared in advance any part of any dish that is possible without losing the delicious tastes that await us. I will have 19 this year at our home. That takes some planning as well because our family, deep in tradition, has the sit down meal. I have to borrow chairs and over the years have just bought folding tables to accomodate everyone. It gives the opportunity to focus on being thankful and that is good for everyone. I am thankful for my family and each year seeing the kids change and grow in their own ways - it's nice. We have a few issues with in-laws we have to grin and bear - that's a bit tough. One of which is a greed/manners issue - that is the hardest one for me. I like decent manners and I don't like someone else's hands in my food. We do taste and try things as we cook in my family, but it is done in the right way - clean hands, clean utensils etc. No " double-dipping."
We usually have a good time when we all get together, there is a lot of laughter in our brood. I am thankful for that. I think we are all very different , but there are strengths in all of us. I promise myself I will try to focus on the good in each of them and try very hard not to focus on the quirky things that drive each of us crazy in others. I find when you do that and try not to get stressed out - it makes your time more enjoyable in the long run. Too many times I set myself up for what I plan and think our gatherings will be and when something or someone falls short it ends of stealing my joy. I am fighting that this year. We are still missing our dog and I am praying very hard for the hearts of whoever has him - or has seen him - to be changed and they will contact us soon. I know it takes a lot for some people to step up and do the right thing, but I am hoping. Short of posting someone at every street in our entire neighborhood all day, I can' t "catch" the offender- if there is one.
So, I wish you all a very Happy, calm and fun Thanksgiving where you realize there is much to be thankful for and not so much to be stressed about.
This is what matters - love, God and family. Enjoy !

The New President

Well, here we are face to face with a new president and a he is making history.

It occurs to me that while I understand that he is from a mixed race, and the black people of our country feel like it is a win for the African - American race as a whole, I have to ponder the current labels the man is getting. If President elect Obama is what he appears to be - and should be- I don't know that he would like the labels. I don't know that I would want to be labeled a black man , a" brother", or a mixed man - I would prefer just a man. I, personally, would be offended by these or any other label that had to do with my skin color. I would want my label to be about the qualities that make me a qualified and honest leader of this great nation being the focus. Qualities like intelligent, educated, kind, diplomatic, honest, of high character etc. would be my preference. Isn't the very fact that African-Americans are focused on his skin color undoing years of teaching to look past our " covers " into who we are ? I think constantly focusing on this man's skin color is disrespectful to his position. Is he an able leader? Is he honest? Is he fair to ALL races? Most importantly, is he going to lead our country with the zeal and strength this position calls for? I mean I would not have voted for Hillary Clinton under any circumstance. I am a white woman..... it doesn't mean I agreed with her thoughts or would entertain that she would be a good presidential choice. I would not have voted for her just because I wanted a white woman's voice as a leader. I hope that most people did not vote for Obama just because he is a black man. If they did then they take away all the progress our nation has made at seeing people for who they are and not what color their skin is. Our whole God-fearing nation needs to pray for this man and for his wisdom in leading us. God does not see color, He sees heart and character. I want to see people through His eyes - good and bad. I hope we as a nation can press forward and show respect to this high honor without continually tarnishing the achievement of being elected President of the United States by making it about race.

Lost pet blues

We have lost our sweet dog for 2 weeks now and our home has a cloud of grief-like quiet around it. We actually took in the dog from someone else who he got away from. They ended up telling us to keep him because they were never home and it sounded like we were giving him a better home than they were. Nice words - and very unselfish of them I thought. We have had him for about 10 months now. He was very energetic and ornery, but there was something about how sweet and lovable he was that made you forgive him right away for everything he destroyed. We were working very hard on housebreaking him and we were having a great deal of success. But he pulled off his cable, broke the ID loop and is now missing with just a collar on. We put ads in every local paper, fliers to every neighbor, posters at every stop sign, and contacted vets and shelters in the area. I know I should have had him micro chipped and if we are blessed enough to get him back , I will do it. However, it seems this time that would not have mattered because whoever has him - is intending to keep him. We had several neighbors say they saw him and then he just was gone in less than an hour. No one has responded to my ads, no one has called or delivered him to a shelter. It seems bleaker and bleaker every day. I thought about this person, if I am right in my assumption, dealing with the reality they have a stolen dog from another family. I, personally, could not do that. The faces of the rightful owners would haunt my thoughts - no matter how great the animal was or how righteous I felt in taking him in. I guess in all of us there is this feeling that we can do better than someone else. The reality is you don't know a person's circumstance unless you lived it. This is a lesson that I need to learn too because I will admit that sometimes I get very frustrated with the lifestyles of people I know when the answer seems so simple to me. Is there an innate nature in us to be uncaring ? Do we look down on people that are doing things just differently than we are whether it be due to ignorance or just their own thoughts that they do it better?

What's Wrong Here?

Today I had the misfortune of seeing our court system in motion. Well, at least part of it-
The Bureau of Child Support Enforcement. Yike.
I went with a friend of mine whose child is now 13 and for most of his life she has dealt with not getting child support or getting just enough on court dates to keep her ex out of jail.
This man is very able and talented - he just won't work consistently.
I think there is some strange thought in the non-custodial parent's head that they are helping the ex-spouse if they pay their monthly support. So it becomes a battle. A battle that never should have existed and a battle that is just completely ... well, wrong.
I can't imagine a parent looking at a child and saying I'm sorry I can't feed you, sorry no clothes today, no doctor's care, no house..... no life. Yet, by not paying that is exactly what they are doing. I understand there are people that take advantage everywhere - but there's something extra sad about doing it with your own flesh and blood. This guy went on and on about his sad luck ( self -inflicted I may add ) with no license ( I'll give you one guess why ), no job, no possibilities, no house /apartment of their own, etc. They thought nothing of announcing to the court that their live in partner foots the bills for everything while they wallow in self-pity. To me - this is the type of person that should be in jail. Yes, I know it is not exactly sensible to overwhelm our jails with non-violent offenders that could be working, but the reality is they aren't. So I say take away their freedoms with a twist. I say put them to work and let them come home to a jail cell. Force them to pay - even something meager - to their child by taking their paychecks and filtering it through the child support enforcement and charging " rent" for their cell so the state isn't burdened with their costs . I realize there may be flaws in my plan, but none that I think can't be handled. The other avenue I was thinking of is this. Supplement the custodial parent with state money - much like our welfare works. I say this recognizing that some custodial parents don't work and live off the system too. I am speaking specifically of the working middle class that hold up their end of the bargain when child support was originally set. It is based on the percentage that each parent puts toward the household income in an effort to not change the child's lifestyle due to the divorce. I believe if the custodial parent is holding up their percentage - then the non-custodial should be accountable for theirs. I would think that if the non-paying parent owes the state - we may have quicker court dates, more stiff penalties , and a stronger drive to get to the offender. Today, I saw 15 cases of people that were in contempt - there were only 3 that showed up for court. Wow - they really care huh? It's just this complacent attitude because the offenders know about our over-crowded jails and they know there is only so much that can be done and let's face it - they don't care. They don't care about their child's welfare, they don't care about the custodial parent's struggle and they become very selfish and self -serving trying to justify their lack of support. It's time something be done. It's time for reform.
I am sure I am not seeing something 100% clearly, but this method is clearly not working and it's sad and unfair. We wonder about the state of our world, but then don't have the spine to force, with the zeal it deserves, parents to support their children. hmmm.

Do you know this guy?

I have the displeasure of being exposed, several times per week, to a man with absolutely no social graces. There have been jokes made about people with no social skills saying things like " Nice weather huh?" I would like to share with you some of the nerve grinding things this person says. First, the " are you depressed today?" This is said each and every time my football team loses. As if, one day, I will bite and say " No.... why would you say that?" It reminds me of the ' you've got something on your shirt gag ' waiting until you finally are caught off guard and look down to a pop in the nose. Ridiculous. Today - I got " I think about half the leaves are off the trees."..... just randomly, without provocation. Reader, can you let that sink in - picture it even? Is there a proper response to that? I just nodded in disbelief. Are there people who just hate silence? Those who kill the peace and quiet at all costs - even if it makes them appear to be complete idiots? Meanwhile, I have tasks that need my attention and my complete brainpower focused on them. Oddly, this man is not without his abilities, nor would I describe him as ignorant. I have decided... I blame the wife. I have known women who have this sweet " all is well" attitude toward their husbands and never encourage them to be all they can be. Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for being accepting of other's shortcomings- after all, no one is perfect and I realize that. But never addressing these random, inappropriate thoughts, have bred a full-grown man who acts like a child with no edit button. He has alienated virtually everyone they come in contact with at one time or another. Whether it be fear of conflict, money-motivated, or just too big of a job - I can't pinpoint her avoidance. She is an intelligent and strong woman. I consider her a close friend. When I watch her interact with him I hear " That's good hon", " Wow, that's neat" and other child-like encouragement for this behavior. I refuse to encourage him. It's my first reaction to give the Jim Carey face and say " very good " in my most condescending and sarcastic tone. Is she just far more patient and kind than I? Would their marriage fail if she simply said " why are you saying that", or " you are making yourself look very stupid and I know you aren't" or any other phrase that at least addresses that she recognizes his inability to edit. I think that overall our partners balance us. They are better at saying potentially insulting things because there is love and a lifetime of experience to balance the blow. So I am inclined to say it is a spouse's / partner's job to bring to light failings and /or issues that are so frustrating to so many. My husband, on the other hand, would probably love more " that's good hons" from me. I just can't seem to help myself, but to confront him - usually in private - when he has made a complete fool of himself or has hurt or bothered someone. Isn't part of loving - teaching? The truth, spoken in love, is very valuable and necessary.